Just recently I picked up an old and battered copy of Marilyn Manson’s autobiography that I am yet to decide if it is giving me nightmares or an enlightened and alternative view of society. Anyway, in one part he writes how he met a girl with “a pretentious name like Asia.” And it is true. Despite that Asia sounds like a nice name, it is undoubtedly pretentious.
But then there are those who are on another planet altogether. Take Jamie Oliver, for instance. He has 4 kids, all ridiculously named Buddy Bear, Poppy Honey, Daisy Boo, and Petal Blossom. Geri Halliwell has a daughter called Bluebell Madonna, and Frank Lampard a daughter named Luna Coco Patricia. And lets not forget Paula Yates, who called one daughter Fifi Trixibelle and another Heavenly Hiraani Tiger Lily. God forbid calling your children something normal like Tom or Sarah. Pretentious is an understatement. It is child cruelty by those not content with bringing into today’s harsh world children with conventional names who will already have a hard enough time finding their way in life. Lets all hand our kids a free ticket to a life of bullying and future therapy. I want to ask all those parents, by giving your child an oddball name, is it a statement of individuality or an unwitting self-diagnosis?
Either way I have decided that, if I have a little girl, I will call her Southeast Asia. That will take the pretentiousness out of it.
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