Merry Christmas

From far across the seas, in the land of elephants, temples and frangipani trees, we wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

Thank you for following our blog these past few months. Lots more to come in the new year so keep checking in!

Helen & Nick. xx

Dressed Crabs

If Disney made Beer...

In addition to the usual experiences of a city, the culture, the hustle and bustle and visits to various must-see sights, there are other equally important places of interest that are not to be missed. That is, if you are Helen. I am constantly amazed at how she never tires of the numerous markets at which the same old tat is sold by hawkers singing the same old tunes. I usually turn into a petulant five-year-old, grouchy at being dragged along. It is like being torn away as a kid from watching your favourite cartoon by your mother in favour of the significantly less important task of food shopping.

Nevertheless, there is usually something to occupy me at these places, regardless of the fact that I didn’t want to go. The Russian Market in Phnom Penh, Cambodia, was no exception and is where much of the western clothing made in garment factories in and around Phnom Penh that doesn’t make it to western stores, turns up. At a mere fraction of the western retail price, one can find labels such as Gap, H&M, Next, Abercrombie and Hollister, just to name a few. The problem is you can’t be sure what you’re going to find, which is not unlike shopping at the jumble sale that is TK Maxx.

To this end, it is not uncommon to see tourist t-shirts with names and pictures of local places or phrases written on them with a Gap or other familiar brand of label inside the collar. Moreover, many Asian countries produce their own brands of beer, the labels of which are reproduced on tourist t-shirts and vests for gullible visitors to advertise for free. Imagine then, if you will, a t-shirt adorned with a popular Asian beer on the front and a Disney label stitched into the collar. True story. And it was not just a one-off; I witnessed on many stalls around the market a deliberate ploy to progress and develop the cotton candy-like image of the most famous of American exports. God bless Globalisation. What on earth would Walt say? Frankly, I don’t care. It seems there really is magic in the kingdom! Either way, there is no doubt that if Disney made beer, it would probably be the best beer in the world.

đá cầu

While we were in Vietnam we were fascinated with a game frequently played by the locals in parks and on the street, in which a weighted shuttlecock (longer and slimmer than a badminton shuttle) is kept in the air using feet and other parts of the body (but not hands, although we've seen many a player skillfully use them during informal games). Rules are similar to Badminton and played on a similar-sized court. It can be played for points, for simple artistic pleasure or to show off skills. The game goes by many different names, depending on where you are in Asia, but in Vietnam it is known as đá cầu and is the national sport, apparently played especially in Hanoi.

Warning: contains serious skill.

Enjoy the Videos (apologies for you having to turn your screen around on one of them).

The Unfortunate Cricket

Now this is worthy of a blog, especially as you will probably be as shocked as I was if you know Helen. Usually the one to pass up meat that contains any obvious fatty bits or gristle, Helen likes her meat to look pretty. Now, there are so many contradictions to this as she will eat hot dogs, for example, and God knows what they contain. But nevertheless they at least look appealing. You see where I’m going with this.

We were on our way to Siem Reap by bus, which usually includes a stop in a place famed for eating Tarantulas called Skuon and affectionately nicknamed Spiderville. There they were, piled high on a wicker tray and were the object of many fascinated tourists flashing away with their cameras. They looked just as you would imagine. Apparently they taste, as every alien meat seems to, like chicken. I’ll take their word for it. Next to them was a whole array of insects, which, to my obvious disgust (I tried to hide it but couldn’t) were being dished out to locals in small plastic bags like pick and mix at the cinema. I lost myself in the horror of what I was seeing. Once I turned around and came to, consternation and surprise enveloping my face, Helen was being handed a deep-fried Cricket to sample from a food stall after having had its legs and other unsavoury bits politely stripped from its body. Now, in the split-seconds it takes for thoughts to be processed, I assumed that Helen would refuse and laugh it off. But immediately it occurred to me that I don’t know Helen as I thought I did. Following some understandable hesitation, she put it in her mouth as I looked on, dancing on the spot with my hand hovering over my mouth in gesture at what I was witnessing. It wasn’t that anybody was eating one; hell, we’ve all seen Bear Grylls and contestants on ‘I’m a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here’ eat far worse. It was that HELEN was eating one.

And what did it taste like? You were going to say chicken weren’t you? No. Apparently, by Helen’s admission it tasted like a crisp. Yes, a crisp! Sure. Good one. Well, if only I’d have known that. The next time I reach for a bag of over-priced Kettle Chips, I might reject them in favour of a few Crickets! I guess everything has the capacity to be palatable if you deep fry it.

Helen has declared that she doesn't want to try a spider, being a self-confessed arachnophobe, but she followed that statement up with, "I think I could as long as it doesn’t look like a spider." So watch this space...

Rules of the Asian road

The most important part of your vehicle is not the engine, tyres or steering wheel. It is the horn. You must learn how to use this essential part of your vehicle properly. Being able to actually drive is irrelevant.

Your horn is not used for aggression as in other countries and no derogatory hand signs should be used in response to the hearing of a horn; just accept it as a part of driving. It is primarily used (incessantly) to alert other drivers of your presence.

How to use your horn:

100 metres away from vehicle in front - beep
50m away from vehicle in front - beep
25m away from vehicle in front - beep
On the tail of vehicle in front - beep
Once parallel to vehicle in front - beep
If you know driver of vehicle in front - beep (and wave)
Once past vehicle in front - beep
If you see a Pedestrian who is nowhere near the road - beep
If you know them - beep
If no other traffic is encountered - beep (to test horn is working and to keep withdrawal symptoms to a minimum).
If you drive through a puddle, test horn to see if it is still working.

Do not under any circumstances pay any attention to beeping from other drivers.

Do not under any circumstances use your mirrors. They will impair your tunnel vision.

Do not under any circumstances use your indicators. They will only distract other drivers.

Do not under any circumstances pay any attention to painted lines on the road. Lanes do not exist.

You may overtake or undertake, but only if a big truck or bus is coming in the other direction.

Everybody has the right of way.

There is absolutely nowhere that your vehicle is not permitted to go. Even pavements and tiny market walkways.

You may park your vehicle wherever you please. Nowhere is off limits.

Vehicle maintenance is not legally required. You must, however, have your horn checked every few days.

A motorbike is not ready to go unless all 10 members of the family is on, including the household furniture, dog, cow, water buffalo, chickens and all produce to sell at that days market.

Thank you for reading this important government-sanctioned handbook and good luck.

Asians will sleep anywhere!

Our journey so far…continued. Vietnam.

October 2010

24th - Arrived in Hanoi, Vietnam at 9am after spending night at Kuala Lumpur airport. Slept like dead for afternoon and woke to sea of conical hats. Sat on foot-tall stools in evening to eat splendid noodles with beef on street. Worlds cheapest beer (Bia Ha-noi) at 50 cents negated by knee operation needed after getting up from stools. We loved Hanoi.

28th - Bus to Halong Bay for one night aboard traditional Junk and one night in hotel on Cat Ba island. Beautiful place. Sailed and kayaked around limestone karsts (rock formations) and visited caves.

30th - Back to Hanoi for one night as a stopover before overnight bus to Hue.

31st - Overnight sleeper bus to Hue. Hired bikes and got drowned as it pissed down all day. Visited Pagoda where we saw the Austin car used by Buddhist monk Thich Quang Duc in 1963 to drive to Saigon before immolating (setting fire) to himself to protest the policies of President Ngo Dinh Diem. Had great gander around food supermarket and joined mad frenzied queue for freshly baked baguettes. Surreal.

November 2010

3rd - Bus to Hoi-an. Stressful 4 days in a place infamous for making any type of clothing you can imagine on demand. Helen had skirts, tops and dress made. Nick had sleeping bag liner. Helen did Vietnamese cookery course. Nick ate food cooked. And survived.

6th - Overnight sleeper bus to Nha Trang - again. Joy. 5 mins on bus and Helen hysterical over carrier bag left in lobby of hotel containing…socks. Yes, I know. Efficient hotel sent bag by moto-taxi. Disaster from Devon happy and Nick’s journey made easier. Arrived in Nha Trang at 6am to see whole town doing Tai Chi on beach and visited Cathedral to see service in progress in exactly same tone as home but in Vietnamese. Bizarre but comforting. Nice to see so many people attending, all doors open to church and plastic chairs laid on outside as all pews full.

8th - Bus to coastal town of Mui Ne for one night. Hired motorbike to see not-so-famous sand dunes. Cut short visit to first dunes (red sand) to see second lot further away (white sand) as were supposed to be better. Not so. Sand Castle empire left in ruins.

9th - Bus to Saigon (Ho Chi Minh City). War Remnants Museum (Vietnam war) excellent and needed two visits. Stormed the gates of Reunification Palace but sadly not successful in raising Union Jack on roof. Numerous visits to Central Market and a chance for some slow time. Both had haircuts. Helen looked beautiful with haircut from very good salon, including upper body massage for 8 pounds. Bargain. Nick’s refusal to pay much for his resulted in battle with hairdresser to not come out looking Vietnamese.

16th - Bus to grotty town of Can Tho in Mekong Delta where biggest floating market turned out to in fact be small. Unfortunately we both blinked at the same time and missed it. Kidding. It was good to see life on the river. ‘When the weather is fine, you know it’s the time for messing about on the river…’

17th - Bus to nondescript Rach Gia for stopover. Nothing to report except frenzied hunt for Snickers futile. Oh, and, bizarrely, more stares from locals as if they’d never seen a westerner before, even though tourists frequently come through the port town to catch ferries to Island.

18th - Ferry to Phu Quoc Island to spend time on white sand beaches. Adventure on motorbike in search of deserted beaches ends in retreat from incredibly poor and muddy roads, and incident with mosquito ends in broken laptop and tears. Nevertheless, it was hard not to enjoy the paradise which was Phu Quoc.

23rd  - Ferry to Ha-Tien for bus across border into Cambodia. Border experience nearly enough to induce mass suicide by all passengers on bus. After grapple with usual red tape, ‘put up or shut up’ strategy forced in to effect by fitting 14 people plus luggage on minibus with 10 seats. Spent 2 nights in coastal town of Kep. Cambodian adventure begins.