Thursday, 9 December 2010

Rules of the Asian road

The most important part of your vehicle is not the engine, tyres or steering wheel. It is the horn. You must learn how to use this essential part of your vehicle properly. Being able to actually drive is irrelevant.

Your horn is not used for aggression as in other countries and no derogatory hand signs should be used in response to the hearing of a horn; just accept it as a part of driving. It is primarily used (incessantly) to alert other drivers of your presence.

How to use your horn:

100 metres away from vehicle in front - beep
50m away from vehicle in front - beep
25m away from vehicle in front - beep
On the tail of vehicle in front - beep
Once parallel to vehicle in front - beep
If you know driver of vehicle in front - beep (and wave)
Once past vehicle in front - beep
If you see a Pedestrian who is nowhere near the road - beep
If you know them - beep
If no other traffic is encountered - beep (to test horn is working and to keep withdrawal symptoms to a minimum).
If you drive through a puddle, test horn to see if it is still working.

Do not under any circumstances pay any attention to beeping from other drivers.

Do not under any circumstances use your mirrors. They will impair your tunnel vision.

Do not under any circumstances use your indicators. They will only distract other drivers.

Do not under any circumstances pay any attention to painted lines on the road. Lanes do not exist.

You may overtake or undertake, but only if a big truck or bus is coming in the other direction.

Everybody has the right of way.

There is absolutely nowhere that your vehicle is not permitted to go. Even pavements and tiny market walkways.

You may park your vehicle wherever you please. Nowhere is off limits.

Vehicle maintenance is not legally required. You must, however, have your horn checked every few days.

A motorbike is not ready to go unless all 10 members of the family is on, including the household furniture, dog, cow, water buffalo, chickens and all produce to sell at that days market.

Thank you for reading this important government-sanctioned handbook and good luck.

1 comment:

  1. Very, very funny! I think you've about summed it up. At least in Jakarta, the horn is also utilized on occasions when a taxi driver spots a prostitute on the side of the road, generally in conjunction with flashing the headlights a few times. I'm not sure what that indicates exactly...

    Now that I've seen all of the possibilities of the horn, I think it's sorely underused in my part of the U.S.! It is rarely used and most often to try to get a deer to move out of the way of your car and we all know that doesn't work...

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